


You Make Me Bright

by ALostWarden



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:41:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3412727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALostWarden/pseuds/ALostWarden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Inquisition receives a new member to mixed reactions. As the Inquisitor tries to reach out to Cole, their bond grows and things become... complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Compassion

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like it's necessary to set you up for potential disappointment. I've never really written anything like this before. This is my first foray into fanfiction and also into fiction writing more generally. So it's proooobably terrible. 
> 
> There, now that you have realistic expectations...
> 
> I'm the worst at titling things. I hate titles. 
> 
> I'm trying to keep the Inquisitor fairly vague. I'm hoping that opens up some opportunity for you to imagine your own character.
> 
> I've decided not to rate this piece yet because I don't really know what direction it will go, but I expect that there will be some level of language and violence, given the context. I'm keeping in mind that there's also a possibility of sexual situations further down the line. 
> 
> Also, I hope to be able to update this with more chapters without *too* much of a gap, but I'm not sure how feasible it will be. 
> 
> All of that said, I hope if you stumble on this, you enjoy it. :)

_Skyhold_. She held the name of this place on her tongue, taking in its sheer size and serene beauty. It was a relief to feel calm, even knowing that it had to be fleeting. Hopefully sometime soon this would also be a place that would feel synonymous with “home.” She missed that sense of safety and the destruction of Haven had taken a toll on everyone. The numbers of those lost hadn’t been as great as they could have been, but she wished she could have done more. When she was alone, she had to admit that she often felt that there _was_ more that she could have done. The impact lingered as they settled in at their new base. She could see it in Cullen’s eyes and hear it in Leliana’s voice. The rest of the Inquisition tried to remain strong, but they were worn down from Corypheus’ attack. There was no time to rest, however. There was never really any rest for the Inquisition. 

She wandered the grounds, examining the dilapidated structure as she tried to shake the thoughts of the recent past from her mind. Though there were many items in need of repair, this was more than she could have hoped for and she was confident that they could regain their footing here. In the meantime, she needed to get settled in to her new space, new position, and new name. _Inquisitor_. Never had she felt this important – this relied upon – and in the last few months, suddenly she was being looked to for more and more. Her say, her decisions, her actions. So much depended on her now. 

The edge in her mind that she was trying to escape started to become sharp again when she found Solas, Vivienne, and Cassandra in a lower courtyard. They were fighting over one of the Inquisition’s newer, still unofficial members, all staking their own points, with Vivienne and Solas trying to make one another back down. It was hard to imagine either of the mages conceding in any situation and, knowing Vivienne at least, she hoped it wouldn’t come to a use of force to… _persuade_ Solas out of what could be regarded as insolence. 

As she approached, the three pulled her in to the disagreement, trying to coax her toward their own favored outcomes. Amidst the arguments and attempts to sway her toward a decision, Vivienne’s voice suddenly cut through with a pointed clarity – cold and certain in her calculations. One comment in particular caught the Inquisitor’s attention: “It is a demon.”

She hadn’t known what to make of Cole. He was strange, yes. But a demon? He was sudden and unexpected, but he seemed to genuinely want to help. He was unusual and his methods, while unconventional, did not seem to conceal evil intentions. She had become quite familiar with demons over the last few months of her life in the Inquisition and a demon Cole was not. He seemed concerned for people that he didn’t even know and he actively warned the Inquisition about the impending attack and aided them in Haven. As far as she was concerned, he had proven himself. The choice was simple. 

She stepped away from the argument to speak with Cole, once she could find him. His abilities would take some getting used to. She realized that disappearing and making people forget were not the only things that would take adjustment, as she got to know Cole better during the brief encounter. She learned he had killed people as a means of helping them… and, to her dismay, she allowed him to do so once more to help a patient whose condition would not improve. Watching him work, watching him help, gave her pause, but she was not one to turn people away. The Inquisition needed support, now more than ever, and Cole was pleased that she was willing to let him lend his skills. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A month had gone by since establishing Cole as a part of the Inquisition and several members had made it clear to varying degrees that they disapproved of her decision. Cole was dismissed as creepy, there were concerns about how nobility would react with him around, he was reduced to an _it_. She couldn’t stand when Sera and Vivienne called him that. 

Certainly, many of the negative reactions were probably due to not understanding. Cole was different and not always easy to comprehend. According to Solas, he was a spirit of compassion. A spirit in the body of a young man. Of all of the odd things she had seen since falling into the Inquisition, Cole was probably one of the strangest. 

His activities also had people concerned, but luckily for Cole, he was rarely remembered. She thought that his actions were mostly harmless, if not directly helpful. Stealing daggers, ensuring the production of spider webs for wounds, replicating people’s memories from childhood. Cole _cared_ more than anyone she had ever met and, although many were unsettled, she caught herself seeing his peculiarities as quite endearing. 

Not everyone was ready to greet the Inquisitor with complaints, however. Solas viewed Cole as an oddity and an opportunity to learn more about spirits. Even Dorian seemed to get some level of amusement from him. And, perhaps more surprisingly, Varric had really taken to Cole. 

“I’m glad you let the kid stay.” He sat next to her in the tavern. She wasn’t sure why she thought that this would be the best place to try to wash away the stress, but then again, there weren’t many options settled here in the mountains. 

“You are?” She asked, setting down her glass and gently raising a brow skeptically. 

“Yeah! Nice to have a fresh face around here. And the positivity doesn’t hurt.” 

“ _Positive_. Not a word I’ve heard associated with Cole around Skyhold. _Creepy, weird, concerning_ … those words sound familiar.” 

“Ah, come on. Don’t let them get to you now. It’ll be awfully lonely on this side of the fence if I lose you.” He bumped her gently with his shoulder. 

She smiled and nodded, taking a sip of her drink. “Well, it’s good to feel like I wasn’t completely wrong.” 

“Nah, you’re rarely ever _completely_ wrong, Inquisitor.” He gave her a wink before wandering off to another part of the tavern.

She sat with her drink for a moment, staring into it. Perhaps she would feel less pressure from those who disagreed with her decisions if she took Cole with them on their next journey to the Storm Coast. She had avoided bringing him along on the few brief outings since he joined their cause – Cole seemed so fragile and he liked to stay in Skyhold to help the physically and emotionally wounded and suffering. Still, if he could prove himself to be an asset in other ways, it’s possible that he could win over his harshest critics and make her days a bit more bearable. 


	2. Demons, Daggers, Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor brings Cole to the Storm Coast in hopes of improving the Inquisition's opinions of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a long time! Mostly because of writer's block and I picked a terrible time to take up writing. I hope you enjoy, though! Hopefully chapter 3 will come more easily for those of you interested in following this. 
> 
> I'm still trying to keep this relatively vague, but my preferences do make an appearance in this chapter. Also, poorly written battle takes place. I don't think it's terribly graphic, but I thought I'd note it.
> 
> [As an unnecessary note, I listen to The Decemberists "Make You Better" on repeat while I write about Cole.]

They neared the Storm Coast after a journey filled with unusually turbulent weather, making a typically long trip even longer. Despite the sometimes trying circumstances, Dorian and Varric had kept themselves amused with random bets, but Cole had remained predictably quiet, aside from a few bursts of other people’s thoughts. Varric tried to include him in conversation, but much of Varric’s typical demeanor was lost on Cole. Regardless, he wanted the “kid” to feel included. 

Between placing bets and reminiscing about card games, Dorian made his displeasure with the weather well known. 

“I swear, if I never see another drop of rain again, it will be a dream come true…” 

Varric gestured toward the expanse of dark clouds ahead of them. “I have some bad news for you, Sparkler.” 

Dorian let out an exasperated sigh. 

“Well, the name should have given it away,” Varric said with a shrug.  
  
“Yes. I was hoping it was one of those ironically named places. I suppose that would have been too lucky.” 

Dorian’s general distaste for most things was always amusing to her, but she tried to suppress her smile. 

“Don’t worry too much, Dorian. This should be a quick trip,” she offered, trying to make what she knew would be an unpleasant scouting mission seem more tolerable.   

“That’s what you said about the Hinterlands and then _surprise_ … lost druffalo.” Dorian briefly furrowed his brow as he remembered the trouble that they went through before turning his attention to Cole. 

“So, Cole. You’re a spirit? What’s that like?” 

“What’s what like?”  
  
“Well… the whole ‘being a spirit’…”  
  
“I don’t know…” Cole paused thoughtfully, “what’s being human like?”  
  
“Touché…” 

As they wandered down the coast seeking a place to set up a permanent camp, she gasped when a sharp, tingling pain took over her palm and a rift let out a loud _crack_ , seeming to sense her presence. 

“Oh, good, just when I was worried that this trip might be simple,” Dorian quipped. 

She drew her bow as the others prepared. While they cautiously made their way toward the rift, her stomach suddenly sunk with dread and worry for Cole. _Maybe this was a mistake._ He was the only one without the luxury of being able to fight from a distance. _Perhaps he’ll stay out of this fight_ , she hoped for a moment, but before she even had a chance to plant her first arrow, Cole had already dashed any hope that she had for his safety and plunged into the middle of the chaos. 

They drew closer, hastening their pace to keep up with Cole, and watched demons and terrors pour out of the glowing green gap between this reality and another. She kept an eye on Cole while she took aim and he slashed frantically at bodies of despair and terror. Between the arrows and magic from their own side and the attacks from the other, she wondered how Cole would be able to make it out unscathed. 

A terror took a swipe at Cole. He cried out as he was knocked back and down. 

“Cole!” She yelled, still hurling arrows into the slowly dying demons. After a moment on the ground, Cole got back up and sliced with determination into the offending terror, which was now distracted by the fire coming from Dorian. 

As they fought back the remaining demons, she caught glimpses of Cole out of the corner of her eye. His attacks were no longer as wild as the first attempts. She had seen battle before, but what she saw with him was an art. Still focused on the enemy, she was able to catch him disappearing into thin air only to reappear and deliver expertly placed blows with his daggers. She was impressed. 

_Not fragile_ , she thought to herself for a moment. She had misjudged the spirit boy, taking his gentleness and genuine concern for frailty. 

She watched as Cole brought down the final terror and she quickly went to work closing the rift, a task that seemed to come with more ease at every glowing tear they encountered. With the threat gone, she was able to take the whole situation in. Cole stood a few yards away, with a distant look in his eyes, poised with his blades dripping from the fight. He sheathed his daggers, still breathing heavily as he slowly became aware that the threat was gone. 

Still staring and processing the expectations that had just been thoroughly challenged, she heard a chuckle. 

“Are you able to collect yourself or do you think you’ll need help retrieving your jaw from the floor?” Dorian teased. 

“Uhh…” she started, snapping out of her daze and finding her footing firmly in the world surrounding her, “Sorry… that was just… impressive.” 

Dorian examined her reaction with a raised brow. She hadn’t taken her eyes off of Cole. 

“Ah, _impressive_ , indeed.” He gave a sly smile, implying something she knew not to be true. This _was_ impressive. This was the first time that she had seen Cole in battle – _really_ in battle – and it was a sight. Surely the members who were cold to Cole’s presence would have their assumptions challenged as well. 

She gathered herself as Cole returned to the group. “We’re losing daylight. We should find a spot for camp.” She looked around and set her eyes a bit further up the beach, nodding her head toward a clearing. “That seems like a good place to set up.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------- 

She was pleased with the amount of support that they were able to gather on short notice. Although they were able to set up quickly and reach out to their troops, nearly all of the available light now was coming from the fire and the camp was relatively quiet. Cole had settled in next to the fire, silently appraising the flames.   

Dorian broke the near silence. “Well, I’ve had about enough of this place for the day. I’m going to settle in my tent and pretend that all of this wet doesn’t exist for a few hours.” With that, he retired to his tent, briefly flashing a book that he had somehow managed to sneak out of the library. 

Varric nodded. “Yeah, I think Sparkler’s on to something. Good job today, Kid.” He patted Cole on the shoulder as he made his way to his tent.   

She had to agree that rest sounded wonderful after all of the day’s traveling and fighting, all while weighed down with what felt like buckets of water. She eyed her tent before deciding to spend some time with Cole.   

“Cole…” He looked up at her, illuminated in a yellow glow, the reflection of the flames dancing in his light eyes. “I just wanted to thank you for coming with us. You really did do a good job today. I don’t think it would have been as easy without you.” 

He looked back toward the fire. “ _Quick, carefully cutting, skillfully slicing_ … You _mean_ that. I know that people are afraid of me. Afraid of what I am. But not you.” Again, he glanced up at her, catching her eyes with his. “ _Thank you_.” 

She had to admit that she was still frequently caught off guard by Cole’s sentiments and ability to get into people’s minds, but he was right – she wasn’t afraid. She sat next to him, enjoying the warmth of the fire, even though it could not dry her with a drizzle still persistently falling from the sky. It was truly a wonder that they managed to get the fire started at all. 

“Of course, Cole. You’re my friend.” She put her hand on his arm to reassure him, but he tensed slightly. 

“You worry about me. That’s why you didn’t take me with you before. Why do you worry?” 

“I worry about all of my friends, Cole.”  
  
“You worry more. It’s louder.” 

“I… guess I didn’t know how skilled you really were. Now I do. I’m sure I’ll be able to worry less now.” She squeezed his arm lightly and smiled. “I should rest. You should, too, if you can. We have another long day ahead of us.” 

She crawled into her tent and peeled off her now pasted-on leathers before sinking into the thin layer of blankets. She couldn’t help but feel foolish for her fears regarding Cole, but the relief helped her sink into the deepest sleep she could manage with the cold still gripping her and the surprising cacophony of the gentle tap of rain. 


	3. Stuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor tries to handle being stuck in Skyhold, complaints, and an unexpected bonding experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to get better at this. It doesn't help that I insist on doing this while I'm half asleep...
> 
> [Also, preferences again. And apologies if you're a fan of Vivienne. It's possible I'm painting her in too negative of a light.]

She was feeling idle… stuck… weary from sitting in the same place. They had been in Skyhold for over a week. Since joining the Inquisition, something felt off about not moving forward. They always needed to gather more people, find more resources, and fight more battles. For now, though, they needed to trust Cullen’s troops with gathering information. Without knowing Corypheus’ – or Samson’s – movements, they could not reliably plan their next move. She had tried to advocate for following Hawke to speak with the Warden in Crestwood, but her advisors convinced her that troops should be dispatched to investigate a few leads obtained by Leliana first, leaving the rest of the Inquisition with nothing to do but wait. She didn’t expect to feel this stagnant, but it seemed that she was the only one with an adverse reaction to the lack of immediate direction. As they drew closer to their goal – to stopping Corypheus and returning Thedas to some sense of safety and normalcy – most of the Inquisition had settled into their new surroundings. Perhaps it was the promise of victory giving them some sense of a possible future. Perhaps it was the need to pretend that things were still okay. Or perhaps it was that some of the damage done to Skyhold was finally giving way to the appearance of a proper dwelling – holes were in the process of being patched and support beams and rubble no longer littered most of the floors.

Regardless of the cause, most of the Inquisition’s members were quite happy with their unexpected break from constant travel. Blackwall was spending more time in the barn woodworking, Iron Bull took up a new hobby of trying to challenge dignitaries to drinking contests, and Dorian was pleased with the time he was able to spend in the library – even if not all of the books that he desired were available. Her habits had become more solidified as well. She spent a great deal of time trying to get away from desks and advisors, keeping herself busy by wandering the grounds and halls of Skyhold to check in on everyone. For the most part, the responses tended to be standard – people desiring more supplies or expressing optimism about the task at hand. Despite the tendency toward positivity, not everyone was quite so content.

As she made her way through the upper portions of the main hall, a voice caught her attention.

“It was being a nuisance again.” Vivienne called to her from the balcony, standing in the cold mountain breeze with her arms crossed. She always seemed to know when the Inquisitor would be walking through.

“Excuse me?” She wasn’t sure if Vivienne had actually placed an emphasis on “it” or if she imagined it after having the word grate on her nerves so many times before.

“Your pet. It was causing trouble.”

“Cole? He’s not a pet.”

Vivienne merely stared, waiting for the Inquisitor to accept the complaint.

“I’ll talk to him… is there anything else you need?” She tried to choke down her frustration. It felt like she could never have a conversation with Vivienne that was pleasant and free of condescension, no matter how much she hoped to.

“No dear, just make sure that if you insist on keeping it around, you keep it under control.”

She nodded before departing with a quickened pace, hoping to avoid any additional thoughts.

She wasn’t surprised by the complaint. Not only was Cole still unpopular among many of their supporting members, but Vivienne and Sera remained firm and vocal in their distaste for Cole despite her best efforts. Truthfully, she wanted nothing more than to have a functional and reasonably cordial team, but there seemed to be no hope for that between some members. It was hard for her to accept, but not difficult to understand. Cole continued to do things that confused and often frightened the residents of Skyhold. Fortunately, he usually wiped their memories well enough that they couldn’t place him as the source of their uneasiness, though she realized that thought shouldn’t be so comforting.

Moving through to the main hall, she started to pass Solas as he was reading behind an impressive pile of books on the desk that he had claimed when they first arrived. She did hope to put off fulfilling Vivienne’s request as long as possible, but she must have been hiding her frustration poorly.

“Is everything alright, Inquisitor?” Solas inquired, managing to seem concerned without showing any trace of it on his face.

She sighed. “It’s fine, Solas. I appreciate the concern, though.”

“Somehow I do not get a sense that things are actually fine.” He put down the book that he had been glancing over when she first entered the room. 

“Certain members of our cause just feel like impossible tasks sometimes.”

Solas looked toward the door she entered through. “Vivienne, I take it?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I must admit, she is not always pleasant.”

“I don’t know… aside from her opinions on Cole and the constant relocation of furniture, things are more or less all right.”

“Ah. She is still unable to trust our spirit friend?”

“It shouldn’t be much of a surprise. I’ve tried to shift opinions, but some people just will not budge. I won’t be budging either, though, so don’t worry about what happens with Cole. It’s my call and he stays. We need all of the help we can get and if I turned away every person that someone found annoying, we wouldn’t have much of an Inquisition.” She wasn’t sure if she was trying to reassure Solas or herself.

Solas responded with a short laugh. “Yes, I suspect that is true.”

“I’m sorry, Solas, I’ll let you get back to your work.”

He looked at the books and papers scattered on his desk.

“Yes, there is a lot to be done. But do know that your conversation is never unwelcome.”

“I will certainly keep it in mind.”

She left Solas, still upset by the cracks in the team, and continued through the hallway while taking the longest route she could before making her way to Cole. As she began to walk through the main hall, Varric called out to her, conveniently providing another obstacle. 

“Inquisitor! Hey, can you spare a minute to talk?” He lowered his voice slightly. “About the kid?”

“What’s happened now?” She braced herself for another story of disappearing items or inadvertently hurt feelings.

“Oh, nothing has happened. Well… I guess things have happened. I’m just worried about him. I’ve heard the things some of the people here have said, and I can’t even tap into people’s thoughts. He’s seemed a little down lately and I think he probably caught wind of something.”

“Well, I’m on my way to see him. I can try to talk to him. Why didn’t you say something to him, though? He likes you. He trusts you more than anyone else here, I think. Aside from maybe Solas, but that’s always been a bit… academic.”

Varric laughed. “Yeah, that’s kind of Chuckles’ thing. But I’ve tried to talk to the kid. I’m hoping that another voice might… even him out a little.”

“I’ll see what I can do. Thanks for letting me know, Varric.”

“No problem.”

She exited the main hall and walked downstairs, eyeing the tavern. There was no reason to add distractions at this point. She knew that’s where Cole would probably be, especially if he was hearing people’s thoughts about him. There was a certain safety in that dark, quiet corner. While she wasn’t thrilled with the prospect of speaking to Cole on Vivienne’s behalf, she did take Varric’s thoughts to heart. She took a deep breath and made her way over to the Herald’s Rest. She moved quickly, trying to dodge Bull and Sera as she scaled the stairs. Luckily, Bull was busy causing a ruckus with the Chargers and Sera’s door was closed, filtering through what sounded like quite a bit of aggression.

She reached the top floor, desolate and dark, and found Cole in the corner. He rarely hid himself when he was up here. There was never any reason for anyone to come up that he would need to hide himself from. She wasn’t entirely sure that anyone else knew about his time spent in this spot – why would they need to?

Cole was perched on one of the abandoned boxes that adorned this floor, his hat placed to the side and his eyes cast downward, seemingly in a state of deep contemplation. Without looking up, he broke the silence by asking the Inquisitor an unexpected question.

“Do you think I’m handsome?”

“I… um… what?” This was not the conversation she had expected to have.

He looked up, acknowledging her presence directly now. “I asked Dorian because he’s always talking about how handsome he is. He told me to ask you.”

“Oh… he did?” He hadn’t allowed her to forget about her reaction at the Storm Coast. She maintained that she was genuinely impressed with Cole’s skill… Dorian, however, maintained that she was _impressed_ with Cole’s _skill_. A subtle difference, but one big enough to ensure that the last few weeks were sufficiently annoying.

“Yes. Am I?” He always looked at her so sincerely that it was difficult to brush off any of his questions or comments. Somehow, compounded by this sincerity, he always found new ways to make her feel like she was tied in knots.

“You know, usually ‘hello’ is a fine way to start conversations, but…” She looked down and scanned the floor as if the grain in the wood somehow held the correct response. “You’re… I mean… it’s kind of a subjective thing.”

She looked up and found his eyes still trained on her face, watching her expectantly.

“Um… yes, Cole. You’re handsome.” She began to understand Cullen’s awkwardness when she would playfully flirt with him in Haven.

He smiled, seemingly satisfied with this answer. Cole’s smile was a rare thing and today its appearance managed to melt away the dense discomfort that had clouded the air.

“Cole… is this why you’ve been feeling bad?”

 “No. Not all of it.” He turned his attention toward fiddling with the loose strings of his clumsy gloves.

“What else is happening?”

“I’ll be all right. Thank you for coming to talk to me.” He tore his attention away from his gloves long enough to flash a sad smile. She didn’t want to leave him in this state, but she worried about pushing the issue.

“Well, Cole, I don’t want you to feel bad. If you need to talk, you know where to find me, okay?”

He nodded. She wanted to hug him, comfort him, but it always seemed uncomfortable when she tried to make contact with him. It hurt her. She was sure he knew that, but it wasn’t a topic they had broached. It seemed strange that he wouldn’t want to help – maybe she overestimated her own hurt. Feeling like she had no way to reach out, she turned to leave him.

“Wait…” His voice was quiet. “I feel wrong. I don’t want to feel _wrong_.”

“What do you mean?” She turned back and briefly considered trying to settle in on a box next to him.

“I just want to help people, but so many of them are afraid of me. I don’t know how to fix it. And I know from their thoughts, I’m helping them wrong. Even if they forget, I can still hear it.”

“Cole, you’re not wrong. You do help people. Sometimes people can be… complicated, though. And difficult. Believe me, they can be difficult.”

“Do you ever feel wrong?”

“All the time. But really, sometimes you just have to find people on your side and keep doing what you think is right. If you can’t make everyone happy, eventually it just has to not matter so much.” She finally decided to sit next to him, both of their eyes now seeking solace in the cracks in the floor. “You can’t fix everything.”

She placed a cautious hand on his shoulder as they sat side by side, both considering their own perceived shortcomings and desires to be better. She wanted Cole to be happy. She didn’t know why, but she knew that she wanted this for him. She felt some kind of connection with him. The strange spirit who lurked and made people uncomfortable. Awkward, uncertain, and in some ways broken. On some level, she could relate, if she had to be honest with herself.

Cole leaned into her slightly and she put her arm around him, rubbing his shoulder, glad that she was able to finally reach out.

“Thank you,” he said in a small voice. Suddenly she felt less stuck. She could stay here for hours, in the quiet and the dark, side by side.


	4. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Inquisition gets closer to understanding Corypheus, they are faced with new concerns and decisions within their ranks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have changed the dialogue and some of the actions here, so as not to totally steal Bioware’s stuff, but I wanted to work it into the story.  
> \--------------------------------------------------  
> Also, this took a long time. I still don't feel 100% on board with this chapter and I edited while on cold medication, but hopefully it turned out okay. This is what I get for deciding to write this while inundated with school, I guess. 
> 
> Hopefully you enjoy, regardless.

The change in pace was so sudden that there was no time to adjust. Not long after she found herself feeling more settled in, things finally started moving quickly for the Inquisition once again. News came back from the troops that there was activity in the Emerald Graves, but all of their information pointed to Samson’s people staying put, so that would need to wait. First, she was certain that they needed to follow Hawke’s lead to Crestwood, a town with more problems than Varric could have dreamed up for one of his novels. After slaying far too many demons, exposing a corrupt mayor, helping an irate wraith, and finally making contact with the Warden in hiding, they were able to move on to the Western Approach, where they could not have anticipated what they would see.

Even after exposing Livius’ corruption of the Wardens, they hadn’t been prepared for Adamant. They had gone in strong, expecting the worst, but what they experienced during this last trip took a toll on them and they returned worse for wear. The things they had seen – the Grey Wardens resorting to blood magic and murder, binding themselves to demons, unknowingly tying themselves to and serving Corypheus; and physically entering the fade and facing intangible fears brought to life, ultimately having to leave someone behind for the horrors that dwelled there – it was overwhelming to deal with. Their potential allies, a group that many in Thedas had come to admire for their sacrifices, had been reduced to slaves for a mad man tainted and twisted by red lyrium and an insatiable hunger for power.

Once they returned to Skyhold, it was clear that everyone took a hit from these discoveries. Except for Cullen, whose pet project to defeat Samson merely fueled his drive to see this through. If it seemed like he wasn’t sleeping before, he almost certainly wasn’t sleeping now. For the rest of the team, they needed to take all of the time that they could to recuperate from the experience. She didn’t have much hope of anyone returning to anything resembling “normal,” but gathering their wits would be necessary before plunging back into the fray.

If there was anything she had learned over the last several months, though, it was that sometimes things do not go as smoothly as one may hope. As she was wandering the grounds, she found Cole following Solas down the stairs out of the main hall, pleading with him and arguing. Once Cole saw her, he approached her, bringing her into the argument. She had never seen Cole engulfed in so much emotion before – panicked and frantic.

“Please, Solas won’t help. You’ll understand. _Please_ help me.”

“What exactly is going on here?”

“Cole is asking me to bind him, a ritual that I will not take part in.”

“Cole… that sounds dangerous. You saw what binding did. You saw what happened with the Wardens…”

“I don’t want to give someone else a chance to bind me to their will. It _needs_ to be Solas. _Caged, tied, trapped_ … I don’t want to be a monster.” His cool eyes caught hers with an intense desperation.  

“Cole, we’re safe here. No one is going to bind you. I don’t even think anyone knows you’re a spirit outside of our group…” She tried her best to reassure him, but it wasn’t working.

“No! We need to do _something_.”

Solas recalled a potential alternative. “There may be another way. The Amulet of the Unbound has been used in the past by mages to protect spirits that they have summoned. This could provide protection for Cole.” He turned his full attention to the Inquisitor. “However, we will likely need to use the Inquisition’s resources to locate an amulet.”

“Yes. We need this amulet. I will not be bound for evil,” Cole said, determined as he marched away from Solas and the Inquisitor.

She turned toward Solas. “You think that will work? The amulet?”

“It is our best option in calming and protecting Cole. I cannot blame him for the fear he is feeling. At the very least, he will have peace of mind.”

She nodded. “If it’s our best shot at this, then I don’t mind using our resources. I’ll see what I can do.” 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Leliana’s people worked quickly, seemingly securing the amulet from a private collection without any trouble. She approached Cole while he was sitting on the boxes in his dim corner in the attic of the tavern. She watched him for a moment while he seemed lost in thought. There was a twinge of sadness in his eyes, replacing the desperation she had seen earlier.

“Cole… we’ve found an amulet,” she said gently, trying not to startle him as she broke the heavy silence.

He quickly got to his feet and closed the distance between them.

“And this will stop anyone from binding me?” He cradled her hands with his to survey the amulet. 

“That’s what Solas says. He seems confident that this will keep anyone from binding you.”

“All right. But I don’t want to try it here. We need to go somewhere else, in case it gets sharp.” He pulled his hands away with his new concern over what effect the amulet may have.

She nodded and walked with Cole to find Solas in the tower. It was almost difficult to keep up with Cole, who was taking large, quick strides, undoubtedly fueled by a mixture of anxiety and newly established hope.

Once they reached the tower, she took Solas’ attention away from his studies. “Solas… we’ve located an amulet for Cole.”

“Excellent, this should prevent any blood magic that might be used on him.” He closed his book and set it aside on his desk as he stood, taking the amulet and turning to Cole. “Here, put this on and I will help to activate it.”

Cole complied and the process was set in motion. After a moment, Cole looked despondent. He furrowed his brow in reaction to the frustration as it came welling back up. 

“It… it isn’t _working_. I don’t feel any different.” His cool eyes turned desperate again as he searched Solas’ face for answers.

“What do you mean? What is it that you feel right now?” A brief twinge of concern crossed Solas’ face.

“Something is blocking it. Blocking me. Something…” he paused and looked toward the distance, pointing at the wall. “Something there. That way. Something is wrong.”

“What are you doing to the kid now?” Varric asked, sounding exasperated as he walked in.

“We’re trying to prevent anyone from being able to bind him,” she explained.

“But it isn’t working.” Cole added.

“Should we look into this? Maybe we can figure out what the problem is and… move whatever’s blocking the amulet?” She looked to Solas, hoping that he had enough experience with this to know.

“Well, it certainly will not hurt us to see what might be interfering.” Solas said, cleaning up his day’s work in preparation for travel.

She nodded in agreement. “All right. Cole, show us where the feeling is leading you.”

Cole nodded, but looked to each of them, and said, “Okay. But I want all of you to come with me. I want to make sure that if something goes wrong…”

“Of course, Cole.” She gently squeezed his shoulder. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

After some travel, Cole was certain that they were nearing the source of the problem. Soon they found themselves approaching a man who appeared to be a former Templar. Cole began to charge forward toward him.  
  
“There! That’s him. That’s the problem.” He marched toward the man, enraged while his friends looked on with a mixture of confusion and worry. “You’re doing this! You _killed_ me!”

The man, taken aback and afraid, exclaimed, “I’ve never met you. How could I kill you?!”

Cole’s face was contorted into rage that she had never seen in anyone, and never expected to witness in him. He had rushed up upon the man and startled him into running away.

“What do we do about this?” She looked to Varric and Solas, eyes wide and heart pounding. Cole simply stood seething, as if he could not process the emotions that were sweeping over him as the man tried to get away.

Solas was somehow maintaining his calm demeanor, something that she admired, but that seemed out of place with an unpredictable Cole within reach of a man he viewed as an enemy. “He is a spirit. He needs to forgive this man for his transgressions against the human Cole.”

Varric crossed his arms, unmoved by Solas’ suggestion. “I don’t know about that, Chuckles. I think the kid needs to come to terms with this. He’s not exactly a spirit anymore and he needs to learn to deal with his emotions. Work through things.”

As quickly as possible, she tried to weigh each point in her mind, fearful of what Cole might do if they left him without support for too long.

“We should let him work through it. I think Varric is right. Cole came here for a reason. He left the Fade and he’s not exactly what he used to be now.” She looked to Solas, “You saw him in the Fade… he was afraid. I don’t think he’s quite… who or what he used to be anymore.”

An emotion that she couldn’t quite place flashed quickly across Solas’ face as he shifted his weight. “If he moves further away from being a spirit, we cannot know if the amulet will work. He may still be subject to blood magic.”  
  
Varric, ever persuasive, offered a counter. “Well, the amulet isn’t working now. Maybe it’s because he’s too human already.”

She had to admit, though Solas was an expert on spirits, Varric was probably better versed in matters of the physical world. “I agree. It’s risky no matter what we do, but I think Cole needs to do this. You see how much he hurts. He can’t just _forgive_ this.”

“But he can. He is a spirit. It is not in a spirit’s nature to harbor such emotions.”  
  
“Solas, I’ve made my decision.”  
  
“What about what Cole wants? How can this be your decision?” Solas was now visibly angry at her stance.  
  
“We’re all here trying to figure this out, so don’t make this seem like my decision alone and don’t pretend that you don’t have any investments in this outcome. Cole wants to be safe. This seems like the best way to keep him that way.” She signaled to Varric to approach Cole and help him.

Varric walked with Cole to where the man had run and found himself trapped against the edge of a lake. He cowered as they approached and Varric handed Bianca to Cole.

Varric looked up at Cole. “You’re angry, right, Kid?”

“Yes,” Cole said coldly, not taking his eyes off of the man.

“Okay… you need to make him remember you. Make him understand what he did.”

Cole’s eyes darkened and narrowed as he aimed the crossbow. “Yes.” He pulled the trigger, finding that no arrow was there to reach his target. The man was relieved to find himself still intact. Cole was wracked with too many emotions to process.

Varric took Bianca from Cole. “Sometimes it has to hurt, Kid. He’ll remember you now, though. And you can learn to live with this.” 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

The trip back to Skyhold was heart-wrenching for her. She watched Cole as he tried to cope with the emotional pain and the appearance of a deep physical pain that seemed to be weighing him down now. When they arrived back to the room that Solas had claimed in the tower, Cole’s main concern was no longer blood magic.

“When will it stop hurting?” He held his stomach, hunched with the beginning of tears in his eyes.

“It’ll stop hurting soon, Kid.”

“So… I’m… more human now?” He started at the ground, still holding his stomach.  
  
“Yes. You may no longer have the connection to the Fade you once had. This may also mean that your spirit abilities are dulled.” Solas said sharply, still angry with the outcome of their trip.

“How will I help people? How will I sneak honey into Leliana’s wine?” He looked to Solas from under the brim of his hat and from behind his tangled golden locks.

Varric helped to support Cole’s weight and walked him out. “I think I have a few things I can teach you for that.”

With Cole and Varric gone, Solas turned on her quickly. “That was irresponsible. We have no way of knowing what problems this will present and now Cole is in emotional and physical pain. All for what? I do not support the decision you have made here.”

“It doesn’t matter now because it’s already done. And I made this decision for Cole’s safety and well-being! How can you possibly not see that? We didn’t know the outcome of _any_ of our options. I went with what seemed best. I don’t want Cole to hurt, but… this seemed like the best solution, Solas. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Everyone has heard about your visits to the tavern. Everyone has heard him echo thoughts that sound suspiciously like they are coming from you. If there is some ulterior motive here…. Well, you are correct, it is too late for this conversation. But I do hope that this was an appropriate decision.” He placed his hands on his desk and tensed his fingers, waiting for the anger to subside, before returning to his more stoic state of being. “I am sorry. Please leave me to my work.”

She left, somehow feeling worse about her decision, hoping that this would ultimately be best for Cole and the Inquisition. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

That night, sleep didn’t come easily. Cole’s pain and Solas’ scolding left her feeling selfish and rash. _Why was this my decision?_ She may very well have ruined Cole’s life.

Not helping her sleep was the subtle sense of being watched. She gave in to the feeling and propped herself up, knowing that sleep would be impossible now.

“ _Retching, wretched… pain enveloping him… was it the right decision?_ You didn’t mean to hurt me. I know that you didn’t mean to.”

“Cole?” She scooted back in her bed to sit up and get a better look.

“Yes…” She could vaguely make out his shape in the darkness.

“What are you doing here?”

“I… hurt. And I was lonely. I… didn’t know where else to go.” He stepped closer to the end of her bed. With the limited moonlight entering the window to illuminate the room, she could barely make out more details. He was still clutching his stomach, sorrow in his eyes.

_What do I do?_

“Do you… want to stay here?” She was uncomfortable and the silence of her room made it feel like an eternity after she posed the question. What else could she do? She wanted to help her friend, but how do you help someone whose entire world was just flipped because of you?

“Yes.” He said simply, not moving from his position near the foot of the bed.

“All right… well… there’s a couch or…” Before she could finish her sentence, he was climbing onto her bed. “Or the bed.” She looked at him, trying to parse out the shapes of his face in the darkness. She could see the pain still etched in his brow. He turned on his side, now facing her straight on, curled up and holding his stomach.

“Cole… I’m sorry,” she said, settling back into bed to lie next to him.

“Don’t be sorry. You wanted to help. I’ll be okay.”

“I hope so.” She reached her hand out to caress his hair… his face…

“ _Sorry, so selfish, harmful and hasty, wish I could help, wish I could…_ please don’t hurt because of me. I don’t want you to hurt.”

“I don’t want you to hurt either. I did this. This is my fault.”

“I know you thought this would be best. Please don’t feel bad.” He reached up and placed his hand on hers as she traced small circles on his cheek with her thumb. His face softened and his eyes closed as he pressed her hand with his. She watched him slowly drift to sleep, finally feeling some of the weight lifting and her eyes growing heavy.


End file.
